You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
