The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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