Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
