hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
