we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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