I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize