Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
