so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
