I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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