Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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