Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
