If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
