I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
How naked do you want me to be?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
