After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
