I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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