my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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