plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize