I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
