she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
