so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
