the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
