if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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