So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
