so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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