I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
