he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
