fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
