i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize