I wish I could teleport
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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