You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
