So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
