Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
