you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize