mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
