The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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