I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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