Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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