Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
