No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
