I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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