I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
