Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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