Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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