I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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