So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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