You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
