yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
