I look better un-naked...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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