remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
