Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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