It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
