you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
