Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
