her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Randomize
