They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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