Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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