did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
