If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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