got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
