I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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