My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
