so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
