Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
