I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
