you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize