Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
