i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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