I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
