Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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