new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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