I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize