A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
