do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
