I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
