Where is the hickey?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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