I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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