im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
