I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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