i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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