We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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