but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
