i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
