So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
