the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
