I got chris browned last night
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize