you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
