Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
false alarm, still single
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