Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
