so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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