you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
