she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
