I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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