At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
