I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
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